It’s funny the way that a single moment in time can cause you to reevaluate things and cause you to contemplate the life you’re living; it’s even funnier when a single person causes you to do the same thing.
And by funny, I mean frustrating, astounding, and overall annoying. I’m not at a place in my life where I would let a single person change the course of my path, but sometimes, playing with those ideas is an interesting way to pass the time. But so is watching the seemingly endless list of romantic comedies on Netflix. That seems like the safer option.
One of those “stop the universe” moments briefly whizzed past my thought processes the other day. It got me thinking: the older I get, the more I realize how young I am in the grand scheme of things. I understand that everyone lives his or her lives differently and wants different things, but I am definitely enjoying not having to commit to anything or anyone right now. I am wholly enjoying my independence.
The last two months have shown me that I have so much more to learn about myself before I would ever be able to actually commit myself to someone else. I’m still growing, but contrary to my outward attitude, I’m not going to give up on the concept and idea of love. I strongly believe that I’m going to find exactly what I’m looking for one day. I’m just not in a rush and am comfortable on my own in the meantime.
I grew up with a very codependent attitude toward relationships; being a hormonal woman definitely contributes to that urge to get lost in the haze of a fantasy of love. But that codependent shit doesn’t work for me anymore. I find being independent yet still emotionally connected attractive. After all, I think everyone knows how introverted I am at this point. But I used to be the person who would give up everything for the prospect of love, and I am so happy that I am not that person anymore.
I think it’s important for people to experience independence and to experience what it’s like to really be single; I feel like I’m always shoving this idea down the throats of my friends who are eager to jump into new relationships right after the last. It’s important to figure out who you are as a single person. Identity is a tricky thing. Even I’m still trying to figure it out.
I just want to make sure that I don’t have any regrets when I’m older. I want to experience all of the things that I can while I’m young enough to do them; hell, my body is practically an 80-year-old woman as it is.
Anyway, moral of the story is… do whatever the hell you want in life; just remember, you don’t have to be in a rush to do anything. The world is yours.
Until next time,
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What’s one thing you do before you go to a new country? Research? Try to learn some of the language? I’m heading to Laos tomorrow and am super excited/intrigued! Today I’m gonna try to figure out some basics in the language but that’s about it. I don’t really have all that much planned, but I’m ok with that for now. I find it’s a lot easier to get planning once you’re actually in a country, meeting people, and talking to locals about what there is to do, see, and eat!